The First Rehearsal

Yesterday we had our first rehearsal for the reading. I don't mind telling you that it did not go exactly to plan. I get very, very, very nervous when I think about the fact that the reading is only two weeks away, so I just don't think about it, which works well for me. The initial stumbling block we faced at the rehearsal was that I was the only one who was on time (punctuality is very important to me.) I showed up at the rehearsal room at exactly 11am even though I had difficulty finding the place, because the building we chose to hold the rehearsals in had been condemned by the city and we 'technically' weren't supposed to be there. This was another of Billy's great ideas, in his words, 'why pay for a rehearsal room, when you can use a crack-whorehouse?' I'm not sure what he meant by that, but anything that's free is good for me, I'm trying to produce this play for as little money as possible.
Anyway, I was going through my latest draft when all of a sudden this fellow who looked like a cross between Arnold Schwarzenneger and Charles Manson bursts in to the door and shouts 'Where the f is Billy?' (he didn't actually say 'f', he said the real word, but it's not a word that, as a good Christian, I like to use.) I said 'he hasn't arrived yet, but I'm expecting him at any moment.' He said 'Well, you can give him this from Big Al.' Next thing I know he punches me in the face and that was the last thing I remember before waking up two hours later. When I did wake up all I could do was lie there. Clarly Big Al had not finished with the punch and must have kicked me a few times when I was passed out, like one of those psychopaths in the movies. Boy did my testicles hurt. They still do, in fact. So, I lay there for a couple of hours when Billy and the rest of the cast finally turn up.
There is an old show business expression, some of you may have heard it, which goes like this 'The show must go on.' Well, I wasn't going to let the fact that I was lying dazed in a puddle of my own urine and blood, stop me from doing the reading, especially since no one seemed to notice. It was difficult for me and what made it worse was that I had to read the role of the lead character after it was revealed that Hank, the actor we had hired, didn't know how to read. He didn't know that there was reading involved when he agreed to take on the role. To be fair, he's never done a play reading before and how could a complete amateur know that a reading required a lot of reading? The reading was going well with me in the lead role until right at the end of act two when I passed out and shat myself (though not in that order.) We've got another ehearsal scheduled tomorrow, and I feel confident that that one will be even better.